I was talking to some men the other day about the Porn issue. You know when I was a teen it was an inconvenience to try to find porn. I mean there was not that many choices. Cable or magazines were all you had. Now the times have changed. It’s nothing more than a keyword on a google search. And to make things worse most people have a device within 2 feet all the time that can look up porn if their flesh desires.
Billboards, magazines, even regular tv are all pushing the limit on the new norm. Sexuality is and has always sold but the platforms have drastically changed on how accessible it is to view. The music now on the radio would not have been allowed on the radio just a few decades ago. What entertains you, enters you. The world is defining sexuality not just to the unbelievers but the church.
As a father of 4 boys, I often ask God for guidance. Growing up in the church it was regularly talked about. The solution was simple they said, though it was not. They told us that we needed accountability, passwords to protect us from content, try to not look at it, and whatever you do, do not look at it. Your greatest defense was your own willpower. I found this very ineffective. The demonization of the girls and men and the act of viewing were talked about with such disgust that if you ever looked at it your soul was crushed under the weight of condemnation. You thought of yourself with such disgust for looking that it kept you in a pit.
What they did not teach me is this important bit of Scripture. The law strengthens sin! Covering a heart issue with law does not heal the heart but strengthens the very issue your guarding your self from. What happens is the constant guarding your eyes cause a trigger within my flesh that the moment you accidentally see something you would fall back into sin. Paul speaks about this in Romans 8. We were never saved to manage our behaviors but to crucify them. sin was not my issue, my understanding of righteousness was.
The other issue is when you do not know what you were created for you will abuse yourself. Ever since I was born almost every idea of sexuality has been taught to me through a worldly perspective the church is afraid to talk about sex. So the world quickly becomes our teacher. It’s the way that seems right to a man but it leads to death. So we ignorantly take this into our marriage. Sex is looked as a need instead of a vehicle that leads to an incredible place of intimacy. It’s not about needs or children, it’s about becoming one. I was never told that I could lust over my wife. I will write more on this another day.
The other thing is the church did not teach me to know no man or woman after the flesh on the spirit. I always picture Jesus the moment they drag Mary in front of him after she was caught in the act of sex. I doubt she was even clothed. They wanted her to look at disgusting. I don’t think Jesus had to avert his eyes so he wouldn’t stumble. No, his heart was completely whole in the Father. Instead, He looked into her heart. He saw the brokenness, fear, the rejection, he saw that she needed a savior. I was homeschooled in the world though I was raised in the church. I was taught like many to be aroused by beauty. The problem is that is not love but lust. Instead, I was not taught to look at the heart. If humanity had not fallen with Adam, we would not find our spouse in the garden by arousal but through our spirit. We are called to return to the garden.
In discovering my identity I quickly became aware of the plans of the enemy. I realized that the enemy did not attack me when I was abiding in Jesus, when my heart was filled with unspeakable joy and so on. He attacked when I felt rejected, insecure, broken, depressed. Those were the moments he chose his battle. In those places, the flesh looked for a false hope of pleasure. What I did not know is that my heart and spirit were shouting for intimacy while the flesh protested for its counterfeit. Jesus alone is my fulfillment. This was not a battle of willpower but instead, it was a battle of submission. Not to the law but to His ever conquering love. Self-control is not a law but a fruit of abiding in Jesus.
The beauty of this is…the moment an accidental post of an image or anything else pops in front of you, you quickly find that that desire is no longer in you. You can see the brokenness of the person in front of you. Your not praying for God to protect you but instead, you’re praying for their deliverance from that dangerous lifestyle. I am in no way saying that porn is acceptable to look at. What I am saying is the desire to view is the fruit of an issue, not the root. When you discover the indescribable love of Jesus you will discover who you are in him. I love what Jesus said to his followers after the devil came to him. He said Satan has departed for a more opportune time, he has found nothing in me. Let the devil find when he comes after you that he finds nothing in you but Jesus.